happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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