As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Sorry about my life...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
