i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
