Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
