Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
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