Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
