Sry I called you an 8
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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