i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
