How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
