I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
