i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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