I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
