In the future we'll all be gay
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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