i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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