OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
