Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
