I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
