$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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