is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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