you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
