Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
