her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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