I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
