Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
