So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
