You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
