party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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