The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
