omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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