Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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