why do cheetos always look like penises
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
