Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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