i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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