Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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