Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
