this boner is exhausting
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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