i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I will be naked everywhere
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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