4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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