ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
