He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
