i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
