Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
