I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
