you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
