This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
