He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
