My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
