I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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