shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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