Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She's like a pop up book from hell.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We need to get me chipped asap
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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