What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
